The BBC reports that the Vatican is fighting back against the claims of Da N. Brown’s Da Vinci code. This is funny enough and needs no further comment.
What struck me from the story is the fact that 10 books have already been written to debunk the novel’s claims. It’s a novel. You don’t need to debunk its claims. More alarming is that Tom Hanks, who I dislike but who seems to pop up in lots of good films (Forrest Gump being a particularly hateful exception), is going to star in a film version. I see the IMDB have already pencilled something in for 2006: it is apparently being directed by Ron Howard. There you go.
I wonder what the secret societies make of all this publicity. It must really piss them off. There they were happily getting on with restoring the Merovingian bloodline of Jesus Christ and keeping their secrets close for centuries until Mr Baigent and friends came along. At least no-one took it seriously (because it was presented as fact); now, Mr Brown comes along, which everyone believes (because it is presented as fiction), and starts the whole Hollywood machine in motion. Heads will roll I suspect, especially John the Baptist’s.
I await patiently the day when someone writes a serious and scholarly paper about how they can’t find Diagon Alley on any London map…
It is all part of their plan! DO YOU SEE?
I also notice that the chap that the Curia have set on Brown (a Cardinal Tarcisio Bertone) is second in command of the Congregation for the Doctrine of the Faith, an organisation that until recently was rather better known as the never expected Inquisition. Bet he wishes he could strap Dan Brown to the wheel and show him the error of his ways. Thus:
Bertone: “And now, Meester Brown, we will talk about character.”
Brown: “Aaaagggghhhhh!”
Bertone: “Characters in a novel should be believable, NOT cardboard cut outs.” (Cranks handle of devislish instrument of death.)
Brown: Aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaagggghhhhhhhwwimperetc.”
Bertone: “By the way, did you like my design for the Lancia Stratos? Bwahahahaha!”
If the Vatican started doing literary rather than moral or doctrinal criticism, that would be fun. I suppose there’s still a space where the Melody Maker used to be.